brains and luck

i've realized that people live life with either their brains or with life.

for those who live with brains, they are those smart asses in class, those who know everything. they are intelligent, and they can make decision. smart in all aspects. intelligent fella who knows how to make decisions.

for those who live with luck, they are those who don't know what to do. they are sort of lost... clueless. they just live the day, and are being lucky that they got through everything during the day. exams passed with the help of luck. questions answered with luck. decisions made with the help of luck.

i'm belong to the latter group. i don't know anything. i have no aim. i sit for exam with pure luck. everytime i study, i feel that i didn't absorb anything at all. i never skip class. i attend all classes. but at the end of the day, i'm still not smart. i am a lucky person i'd say. i'm thankful luck had been helping me all these while.

but how long can i live my life with luck and only luck? if luck isn't at my side when i make a critical decision, there goes my life down the drain. what will happen if lady luck isn't smiling at me at the time i need it most? i want to live with brains. but i can't. it's lucky for me to get this far in my studies. if you were to ask me about my previous subjects, i can't answer you. if you ask me how to decide, i won't know. if you ask me to lead, i'll run away. it's pretty shitty to live like this. but i have no choice.

brains, luck. both are two totally different things. i wish, i hope, i pray that i can have both. but life is always cruel. i can't have the best of both world. i have to stick with luck for now until i am good at something. until i am really good at something.

i will be proud if i live life with brains. i want to be those who can lead a meaningful life. i want to me a knowledgeable person. i want to be intelligent. all i can do is try, try, and try harder.